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Blurb:
From USA Today Bestselling author of The Men of Steel series, MJ Fields comes a sexy new romantic comedy.
Kat's a take no sh*t kind of girl, but when her mother forces her to start online dating with her, she's taken off guard. The tables turn and now Kat has the opportunity to dish out unsolicited advice of her own. The ever-unsociable Kat, puts herself out there knowing no man in their right mind will ask her out. Little does she know the world has changed. The constant connection has caused a disconnect, and while hiding behind a screen most men hold nothing back. Will Kat be able to get her mother to stop being a behind the scenes text whore, or will she get dragged into the craze that is sweeping the nation?
Excerpt:
“The cost of the rings alone is sickening to me. Let’s say the happy, yet delusional couple waits until they are finished college. They are more than likely in debt up to their eyeballs with student loans already. Then they go buy a ring that they can’t afford to start their ‘new lives together, forever.’ “BUT WAIT, that’s not enough. Throw a last hoorah with all of their friends in Vegas with, booze and strippers? I mean what says undying, everlasting love and faithfulness like lap dances and used up snatch picking $20 bills off someone’s face? “Then all of the sudden they wake up the next day and are never going to want it again? Yeah, right. Let me ask you when is the last time you ate just one double stuffed Oreo cookie? “Don’t kid yourself that just eating the cream inside isn’t cheating, eating is cheating. “The next time you see a stripper pole, or hell any pole for that matter, tell yourself you aren’t going to remember the single most exciting night of your life. “The same ‘happy’ couple get ass raped for hosting an elaborate soiree, to celebrate a marriage that will end up failing. Don’t roll you eyes at me, it’s fact. You know damn well they’re fighting over the details of the damn wedding too. Can you feel the love? Me either. “After the ass fucking without lube, they spend a mint on a honeymoon where they spent ninety percent of the time shit faced and fucking, seldom leaving their resort suite, yet it cost a grand a night. “Now they have spent a minimum of 10 grand themselves and that’s if they didn’t have to pay for the damn party celebrating their ‘union’. Hell I can celebrate a union with a fucking Happy Meal and a bottle of Jack. He can bring his own condoms, now it’s a fucking party.” “Kat?” Josie sighs. “You asked how I felt about weddings. You know damn well I’m not going to hold back.” “What I was trying to ask is how you felt about mine. Blaine asked me to marry him last night. I want you and Cecilia to be in the wedding. I want you to be my maid of honor,” she says as sweet as Josie is. Fighting the urge to bash my head against the counter until I knock myself completely out, I answer the only way I can, “I would be honored.” She giggles. “Sure you would.” I bare my teeth trying my best not to growl. “You and Blaine are different.” She laughs. “How so?” “His parents are loaded. I will assume you aren’t paying for the wedding. I’m sure the ring isn’t on plastic you won’t start out the way,” I pause and try my best to dig myself out of the hole I’ve dug. This isn’t easy for me, I normally don’t give a shit less I offend. “Besides, you’ve been together four years now.” “Five, we graduated last year,” she says. “Right, well then, yours will be smooth sailing.” “We’re moving about an hour from you,” she says with a big smile, I don’t even have to see her, I can hear it. “That’s so cool. I am off Sundays and Mondays every week. We’ll get together.” “I’d love to, and maybe meet some of your friends?” “Josie, I promise, I have real friends.” I laugh knowing she worries about me, even though she knows I can take care of myself. “No she doesn’t,” Rico says walking out from the back of the shop. “Jesus.” I jump covering my heart with my hand. “Kat why are you even trying to cover your heart, we all know you don’t have one,” he says and winks. “Who was that?” Josie gasps. “What, Rico? He’s the jackass I hang out with here at the shop,” I say as I flip him off. “He has a very, very, nice voice,” she whispers. “He does not sound like the Taco Bell dog Josie,” I say to piss him off and embarrass her. “I didn’t say that,” she gasps. Rico laughs and shakes his head. “I’m heading out.” “Jerry Springer call?” He turns around. “I hope you get vaginal warts.” “Well I hope you get three chicks knocked up and they all come after you at once,” I pause, “Oh you did.” “Much love to you too Kitty Kat.” He flips me off and walks out the door. I shake my head as I watch him swing his big old leg over, One and Only, his Harley. Yes, that’s it’s name. “Sorry,” I laugh. “His voice, is…” she pauses and she whispers, “Sexy.” I can’t help but laugh. “There’s a line that goes down the block to get inked by him. I can give you a jump the line pass if you’re interested in one last hoorah before your nuptials.” “Is there really?” she whispers. “Apparently he’s a hot commodity around here. Six foot three of inked, pierced, testosterone, who evidently has the stamina of twenty men, or so he says.” “So you haven’t-” “Oh hells no! Are you serious, the guy is an STI waiting to happen. He gets paternity suits delivered to him like a funeral home gets flowers.” She laughs. “How many kids does he have?” “One for sure, three now just waiting to find out.” I laugh. “It’s almost comical, I have no idea what his aversion is to sane women, condoms, or just tossing his own meat. I mean really-” Her laugh interrupts my rant. “Boy or girl?” “Little girl, she’s three,” I answer. “I can’t wait to have babies,” she says with a coo. “You need to get married so you and I can have kids-” “Eww, no, not happening. They’re little germ spreading, time suckers, who rip apart your vag. Not interested.” “Ever?” she asks. “No. Not ever.” I know where this conversation will lead, hell I visit it at least once a month with my Mom-ster, I mean mother, so I decide to sway the conversation to my second least favorite subject, weddings. “So when is the big day?”Review:
Holy guacamole. I haven't laughed so much in like...ever. Snark abundant, this book is freaking amazeballs. MJ Fields has it going on and I can't wait for the next one. 5 flaming stars of awesome.
5/5
About the Author:
USA Today bestselling author M.J. Field’s love of writing was in full swing by age eight.Together with her cousins, she wrote a newsletter and sold it for ten cents to family members. She self-published her first New Adult romance in January 2013. Today she has completed six self-published series, The Love Series, The Wrapped Series, The Burning Souls Series, The Men of Steel Series, Ties of Steel Series, and The Norfolk series. MJ is a hybrid author who publishes an Indie book almost every month, and is signed with a traditional publisher, Loveswept, Penguin Random House, for her co-written series The Caldwell Brothers. Hendrix is available now, Morrison was released on December 22nd, 2015. There is always something in the works, and she has three, yes, three, new series coming out this summer, and fall. MJ lives in central New York, surrounded by family and friends. Her house is full of pets, friends, and noise ninety percent of the time, and she would have it no other way.
USA Today bestselling author MJ Fields love of writing was in full swing by age eight. Together with her cousins, she wrote a newsletter and sold it for ten cents to family members. She self-published her first contemporary, new adult romance in January 2013. Today she has completed seven self-published series, The Love series, The Wrapped series, The Burning Souls series, The Men of Steel series, Ties of Steel series, The Rockers of Steel series and The Norfolk series. MJ is a hybrid author and publishes an Indie book almost every month, and is signed with a traditional publisher, Loveswept, Penguin Random House, for her co- written series The Caldwell Brothers. Hendrix, Morrison, and Jagger. All three books in the series are published. The Caldwell brothers don’t grow into alphas, when their mother passes away they become her legacy, her good in the world of bad. MJ was a former small business owner, who closed shop so she could write full time. She lives in central New York, surrounded by family and friends. Her house is full of pets, friends, and noise ninety percent of the time, and she would have it no other way. Author Links: WEBSITE: www.mjfieldsbooks.com FB: facebook.com/MJFieldsBooks TWITTER: @mjfieldsbooks INSTAGRAM: Instagram.com/mjfieldsbooks TUMBLER: mjfieldsbooks.tumblr.com PINTEREST: Pinterest.com/mjfieldsbooks Sign up for MJ’s monthly newsletter with giveaways: http://bit.ly/mjupdates